And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
