i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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