I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
