shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
