Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
tell me about the eggs
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
