two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
