God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
