so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
