I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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