Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
