I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
