if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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