Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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