Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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