We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
