her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
