god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
