wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
