4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize