Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
