do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
