the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize