I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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