You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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