I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
