It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
