youre lurking in front of me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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