Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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