my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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