Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
