actually, I'm a sock model
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
