Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
