You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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