I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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