i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
