Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
