I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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