They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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