i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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