If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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