My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just puked most of my soul out..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
