i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
