Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
