I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This house was built for laser tag.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
