Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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