You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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