JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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