i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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