now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize