had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
