can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize