apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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