Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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