I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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