I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
