she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
