I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
