My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
