I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
