Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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