One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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