I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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