smell my finger.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize