Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wakey wakey hands off snakey
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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