I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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