Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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