My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
