It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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