nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
