I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
