I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
