Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
