Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
