Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
