Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
