It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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