We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I forget how to act sober
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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