I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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