i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
