i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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