After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
