ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
