it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
