She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love having hate sex.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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