Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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