I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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