Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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