Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize