doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
