he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
