I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
