im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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