in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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