My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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