Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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