Umm I'm too high to move.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
