I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
