were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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