she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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