How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
