ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
im six kinds of drunk right now
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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